What the?

Go ahead. Click on it. It only looks weirder the bigger it gets. Like Community.

Exactly. What the?

Now, I am not a picky eater. I see a doughnut and odds are I will eat the doughnut. Simple.

But… what the? It was a raspberry doughnut. Why the purple infestation?

It is truly hard to mess up a doughnut. Sugar and dough tastes fine. However, does it not seem like there is something else going on here?

So, since I have already eaten said doughnut, let us discuss what I have set loose in my digestive tract.

What the?- Possiblities

  • Venom has come to life and is out to infect mankind with all its symbiotes.
  • Say hello to Covid-23. (Can we make that joke yet? Too soon? Sigh)
  • “Hey, whatya say we add some extra flavor to that doughnut?” “Sure, what do we got?” “I dunno. Just grab a tube and squeeze it in there.” “You da boss.” <SPLLURNGK>
  • That bagel from Everything, Everywhere, All At Once? This is what happens when you plug it up with the Doughnut Hole of Destiny.
  • Strangest meteorite ever? Certainly one that the lab techs would line up for.
  • Oh. That is what lives at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. Huh.
  • “Ya see son, now pay attention, ’cause I’m only gonna tell ya this once, now, y’hear? This here contraption is just about the mind-bogglin’-est thing you’re ever gonna set yer eyes on. Right here, I say, right here on this very table, is the greatest gift to lazy couch potatoes such as yerself. Ya take this small beige blob, right? Ya carry it around in your pocket, see? And when you’re ready to take a load off? Ya think the day has dealt all the trouble you can handle without a rest? Why, you just go right ahead and push down on that dark patch there. “And what’s it do?” What’s it do, ya ask? Well, now if you’d let me get a word in edgewise, I’d tell ya son. It’s a self-inflating beanbag chair! Say, I can see your eyes lighting up right now. Well wrap a rope around me and give me a tetherball for a hat if’n I ain’t tellin’ you the gospel truth. ‘cept we took out all those “beans”. Too heavy, am I right? Who’s got time, or the energy, to be luggin’ ’round all that? No sir. Not me, and certainly not a smart young chap like yerself. Why, we used the finest in tech-nee-ol-oh-gy and spacecraft brilliance to make this thing big as ya need and comfy as can be. But quantities are limited, y’hear? Gotta get your hands on it while I have one left! My supplies are gettin’ mighty low, mighty low I says. What say we get down to the transaction? Don’t interrupt, I just know ya gotta have one. Simma’ down. Now, don’t be pushy son. Just make with the cash and we’ll get you all squared away and sittin’ down all cozy-like. (I like to think of this explanation as “Foghorn Leghorn– State Fair Vendor.”)

  • The Ultimate Final Challenge in the Will They Eat It? Contest.
  • Darren Cross stopped trying to shrink lambs and tried it on a cow. It did not work.
  • Mutant Hockey Puck of Armageddon. Before the game ends, it will hit you with a stick.
  • You know how when you get a really bad cold, you hack up some stuff that you would not want your loved ones to see? Well, when a narwhal gets sick, they hack up one of these. Not so cute now, are they?

That should suffice for now. If you would like to come over and discuss it more, I can make the time. Only, um, how about you bring the doughnuts?

About Cosand

He's a simple enough fellow. He likes movies, comics, radio shows from the 40's, and books. He likes to write and wishes his cat wouldn't shed on his laptop.
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