It is official. I am displeased to admit it, but I am sick.

Now, in the grand scheme of life, this ranks pretty low. No chemotherapy, no flu, not even a fever. Still, nobody likes having the sniffles. Since misery loves company (or pity. Or perhaps, an opportunity to bring some humor about), the following:

Thoughts of a Sicko

Focusing?   Who wants to focus? I mean, it is not like I said I would post six different blogs in six days. What? I did? Oh. Well then, poo.

This whole snot thing needs to make up its mind. If it is liquid, it should embrace its inner-faucet and drip all out of my nose. If it is a solid, then it should be someplace where I can dislodge it or honk it out. This goo? This film-like substance that refuses to dislodge? This stuff is not of a natural origin.

Oh nostrils, would that you were so fluid and controllable.

Must not hug. Hugging is swell. Being well is more swell. Must not infect others. We do not to go all Contagion on the populace.

I wonder if people can see what my handkerchief looks like when I blow my nose. Can they see the green globs? Are the little red blobs noticeable? Nobody wants to look at a guy when he is blowing his nose, right? And if they do, then they are asking to see something gross, right? My couch is offers no judgments, why do people get to be any different?

I get to volunteer tonight. Hrrrm. I wonder if I can go half an hour without blowing my nose. I wonder if I can go the entire play with only one honk. Guess we will find out.

I could go for a good run right about now. That does not quite align with the whole “drink fluids and rest” notion, huh? But oxygen is good for you. Of course, you have to be able to breathe to take in oxygen. Drat.

I already drank 101.4 ounces of vitamin C in thirty-six hours. Am I supposed to drink another jug? What do you want from me?

While I’m sure Mylar is high in nutritional value (and fur), the full bottle of juice is closer.  Sounds healthier and easier.

Do cats get the same colds as humans? Mylar was sneezing two weeks ago. And she had little tear-puddles. It was probably my two coworkers who have been blowing their respective noses and coughing the last two weeks. But Mylar was sneezing first. Hmm.

If I sit this way, one of my nostrils opens up. If I lay down that way, both of my nostrils open up. But if I perch in this manner, neither of nostrils is functional. Or they simply open and close at random.

Come on guys. I trimmed your nose hairs yesterday. You live a pampered life. I do not ask much. Do your job.

Mucinex sounds pretty great right about now. Of course, I have had this cold for all of a day and a half. It might be a bit early to call in the reserves. Also, I like to think that I still have something of an immune system. I should probably hold off for now.

I could simplify things and only breathe through my mouth. However, then I become an actual “mouth-breather”. Plus, I risk my mouth drying out. Then I would have sinus pressure, a funky nose, and a sore throat. Grr. Ah yes, and the risk of waking up with dried saliva on my face and pillow is high. Shoot.

I am young! I have an immune system! I am in shape! I can do this!

Getting out of bed sounds like a terrible idea.

I am lazy. I am tired. I am snuffily. Leave me alone.

Maybe I will post that video from when I was sick a few years ago and call that good enough.

Sniffly. Sniffle. Sniffle-upagus. Man, imagine if Snuffy had a stuffed up nose. Gross.