I am not the world’s hugest Jimmy Fallon fan.  He does just fine.  Some of his SNL stuff was funny.  I own Pitch Fever on DVD because you swap out baseball with comics and that is my life.  However, at the beginning of this year there came a clip.  An interview showed up online that trounced all others.

I have watched this repeatedly.  Each time I laugh and shake my head.  For I know exactly what it is like to go on a date with an attractive woman and have absolutely no idea that it is more than a “hang”, as Kidman says.  (Of, if you are a Lloyd Dobler fan, a “scam”.)

Back in the days of college I knew this gal.  Amazing person, everything I was looking for, and had a remarkable smile.  She got along with everybody and challenged me.  I would have been an idiot not to fall for her.

At the same time, I was working my way through my drama classes.  Seeing as how the drama department was constantly opening this play or that show, we were required to watch three of them.  Wanting to spend time with this personification of desirable, I invited her to tag along with me.  If you are going to see a play, why not take a friend?

Fast forward two years.  We were working in our church kitchen to clean up the dishes after a community meal.  While washing the dishes, I mentioned the lack of dates in my earlier years of college.

“Wait, we went on a date!”

“…uh, no.”

“Yes we did!”

“When did we ever go on a date?”

“You took me to that play.”

“That was a date?”

Sigh.  Younger version of me would have been thrilled if he had known he was on a date with her.  Of course, he (and let us face it, current day me) would have buckled under the pressure, tripped over something, or maybe accidentally elbowed her in the face.  Some sort of rom-com, clumsy, “that couldn’t happen in real life” casualty would have occurred.  I almost guarantee it.

I did not have my A-Game.  (Not that I have one now, but still.)  I did not dress up.  I did not park the car, get out, and open the car door for her.  I did not even try to reach for her hand in the dark theater!  No arm rest sharing?  Sure it could have become awkward and she might have gotten squeamish, but the possibility, darn it.

Long story short, the whole couple-thing never happened with us.  I liked her just fine, but she did not reciprocate.  She has her life, I have mine; I think we are both rather content.

Jimmy, he understands.  He knows what it is like to be so completely overwhelmed by the thought of dating a woman that high-class is enough to turn your brain off.  Had we known that we had a chance with these women, we probably would have just made things worth.  And yet, it is rather flattering.  Because somewhere, at some point, they thought to themselves, “Yeah, I will go out with him.  There is a possibility there.”

When a woman you think the world of believes there is a possibility she could feel the same way?  Well, that speaks rather well of us simple bachelors.  Even if some of us are classy enough not to wear baseball hats and play video games with company.

You folks can do whatever you please.  Have a date.  Protest the greeting card-holiday.  Wear red if that is what makes you happy.  I have a grand love story sitting on my shelf.  I think it is the greatest film ever made.  And go figure, it stars Nicole Kidman.

Hopefully your plans work out better than ours did.  (It has to be less tragic than Moulin.  My recommendation?  Don’t break out singing Roxanne.  She might not take it well.)

Even if you are positive you are not on a date, open the car door just in case.  You never know.  You still get the chivalry points and you avoid the possibility that it could all go horribly awry.