Fall of an Empire (with a Little Help from an Usher)

I try to be a good little theater employee.  I open the doors on time, I stay through my entire shift, and most applicable here; I try to keep my mouth shut in public about movies I simply cannot stand.

However, when the movie is gone, all professional restrictions that I put on myself melt away.  😀

The last film we had particularly offended my sense of decency.  Do not misunderstand me; if you want to see a movie, any movie at my work, I will make that happen.  My job is to serve the movie-going crowds.  That does not mean that I enjoy each and every flick that is presented.

The last movie we had was garbage.  I saw seven seconds of it and I regret even that much.  I was sitting out of sight, minding my own business.  I was all kinds of innocent and noble.  Then I heard this noise.  It was a familiar sound, but one that came across as a bit off.  It was an odd combination of banging and moaning.  I should have known better than to focus on the noises, but what can I say, it made me curious.  So I poked my head in and looked at the screen.  My brain screamed in response, “What are you doing!?!?  My eyes!”

No, I do not need to see graphic sex scenes where the two warriors are mad at each other and being abusive.  As for the rest of the movie, I do not need to see “scenes of graphic violence” as men wearing underwear cut and slash at other men wearing underwear.  Just… no.

I may have gotten a little out of control when the movie had left our theater.  I may have thrown all the standees on the floor.  And I may have body-slammed onto the 3D piles of cardboard.  And I may have jumped and smashed the standees.  Repeatedly.


And yes, afterwards I may have taken extra joy in ripping the pieces of cardboard in half, watching as they lost all of their presentation quality.  (But come now, those things were hardly fine art to begin with.)


I can understand “Hansel and Gretel” as being “silly entertainment”.  I guess there is part of me that might possibly get why you like the imagination of “Sucker Punch” (but I still do not think that a lobotomy can be called a “win” for a character).  As for “Avatar”, I would suggest not getting me started.  (Attaching your tail to a plant or a dragon to form a hybrid mind/ brain connection?  What?  No.)

We all watch bad movies.  I watched “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” last week.  I have seen “Bring It On” too much.  I happen to like “Bedazzled” and “Happy Gilmore”.  I would never deprive you of your viewing pleasures.  That being said, I reserve the right to completely bash the ever-loving spit out of the product once it is no longer my job to facilitate it.

What about you?  Any movies that you know you shouldn’t watch?  Guilty pleasures?  Things that other people think are the greatest thing ever that you are completely tired of?

About Cosand

He's a simple enough fellow. He likes movies, comics, radio shows from the 40's, and books. He likes to write and wishes his cat wouldn't shed on his laptop.
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