My electric company is a little nutso.

They send me e-mails every month, suggesting ways that I could save on usage.

I could unplug my second fridge (that I do not have.) I could invest in solar panels (for a roof that is not mine.) I could leave my blinds open, like I already do. Every day, without effort, I use a third as much as my neighbors.

As I said, nutso.

Then they enter me in a competition. A “test” to see if I can use less energy than my neighbors.

I forget about it. I go about my day, just as I always do. Today, they sent me the results.

Without trying to win, I use half as much as #2.

They should leave me alone. The champ does not need their coaching. Let me live undisputed and unmolested with my title.

And remember kids, it pays to live in the basement. No air-conditioning needed.